Emotionally Competent Leadership
Neuroscience and Leadership Growth
I have always found brain research fascinating. It shows that through commitment and consistent effort, we can improve our lives at any stage. Dr. Lara Boyd’s research on neuroplasticity confirms that growth is always possible: every behavior we continually practice rewires our brain, strengthening qualities like patience, empathy, and resilience (Boyd, 2015). However, there are no shortcuts. Lasting change requires consistent, intentional practice. I value lifelong learning and growth, so this idea fills me with hope. Even when I fall short, there is always room to improve. Leadership development isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being intentional. By showing openness, a willingness to listen, and the courage to adapt, leaders foster their own growth and inspire positive change in those around them.
Choosing Our Response: Insights from Stephen Covey
Stephen Covey’s distinction between reactive and proactive people has really resonated with me. He reminds us, “Between stimulus and response lies our freedom” (APSS Archive, 2024). Reactive people often get caught up in negativity. They gossip, hold onto resentment, and let frustrations influence their worldview. Proactive people choose differently. They forgive, move forward, and focus on their personal growth instead of dwelling on others’ faults. I often see this in nursing. Patients are not always appreciative, and some can be downright rude. Early in my career, I took this personally; it weighed on me long after my shift ended. But Covey’s words remind me that while I can’t control someone else's behavior, I can control my response. Choosing to be professional and compassionate protects my energy and allows me to be a more effective leader.
Daniel Goleman’s Framework for Emotional Intelligence
Self-awareness is something I’m learning is at the core of good leadership. To me, it’s about recognizing what I’m feeling in the moment and noticing how those emotions shape the story I’m telling myself. I’ve caught myself more than once assuming someone was being rude or dismissive, only to realize later they were just stressed. Those moments remind me how quickly I can jump to conclusions without the full picture.
Getting better at self-awareness isn’t about being perfect, it's about slowing down, taking a pause before reacting and asking myself, “Do I really know the whole story?” Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t, but the pause gives me space to respond with curiosity instead of judgment. The more I practice, the more grounded and thoughtful I feel, not just as a leader, but as a person. I found the ladder of inference, developed by Chris Argyris, helpful in working through these situations and gaining more clarity.
Self-management is the area where I need the most improvement. While I stay calm under pressure, I often hold onto frustrations after disagreements. I sometimes replay situations in my head, prolonging my stress, and I need to be more mindful of my body language since nonverbal cues influence how others perceive me. After completing my emotional intelligence evaluation, I explored strategies for managing stress better and discovered the 4 A’s: Accept, Avoid, Alter, and Adapt. This framework helps me assess situations by weighing the pros and cons of each option (Canada Life, n.d.). Instead of catastrophizing, I can accept a situation for what it is, avoid unnecessary triggers, alter what I can through communication, or adapt my perspective to focus on what I can control. With practice, I know I can use these strategies to manage stress more effectively and continue growing as a leader.
Social awareness is one of my biggest strengths. I’m often tuned into the emotions of others, whether it’s my with my family or at work. In nursing, this skill is crucial- others' emotions aren’t always verbalized, but they show in body language and expressions. I’ve also been able to catch onto tension and burnout among colleagues and tried to encourage them in small ways, like checking in during breaks or using humor to lighten the mood. Social awareness is about showing people they are seen, which builds trust.
Relationship management is where my growth is most noticeable, but I know there’s still work to do. Instead of jumping in to solve problems during group discussions, I can take more time to validate others’ ideas before sharing my own. I’ve also learned that part of relationship management is recognizing each team member’s unique strengths—whether it’s empathy that comforts patients or attention to detail that improves safety. When leaders notice and use these abilities, teams thrive. Goleman (2017) reminds us that leaders set the emotional tone. A leader who is calm and empathetic creates an environment where people feel safe and motivated; one who is short-tempered drains energy from the team. This ripple effect shows why emotional intelligence is at the heart of effective leadership.
Setting Healthy Boundaries: Learning to Use the Compass
Sarri Gilman’s (2015) metaphor of a Yes/No Compass to illustrate boundaries is very helpful. Every decision is either a yes or a no; ignoring our inner compass risks burnout and resentment. As a mom juggling many different responsibilities, I know how easy it is to say yes to everything—school, kids, church, volunteering. But constant yeses leave me depleted. Gilman reminds us that saying no takes courage, and we must be ready for others’ potentially unpleasant emotional reactions. That’s part of leadership. Brené Brown (2025) expands this idea, teaching that boundaries reflect self-respect, not control. They define what I’m available for and set the standard for how others treat me. Healthy boundaries are clear, kind, and consistent. From my experience, they don’t weaken relationships; they strengthen them. For nursing leaders, the Yes/No Compass is a practical tool. It helps us protect teams from burnout, model healthy limits, and prioritize patient safety over competing demands.
Presence, Listening, and Leading Well
The most enlightening webcast on communication was Celeste Headlee’s, 10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation (2015). Her advice is simple but impactful. She urges us to be present, avoid multitasking, ask open-ended questions, and above all—listen to understand, not just to respond. This resonated with me. I often want to interject with my own experiences, but I’ve learned I gain so much more when I let others speak. Avoiding tangents, not dominating conversations, and keeping my points concise are practices I’m working on. These small changes don’t just improve communication, they build trust. Good communication is really about presence, and presence requires discipline. It is amazing how much we can learn about others when we just allow them to talk.
I’ve always had a tendency to strike up conversations—whether on an airplane, at the beach, or just in passing. I find joy in hearing others' life experiences. I think I get it from my Mom, who always called it “the gift of gab.” But what I’ve realized over time is that the real gift isn’t in talking, it’s in listening. More than once, someone has told me, “I don’t know why I’m telling you this, I just met you.” I think that’s because I try to be present and make people feel comfortable.
I’ve come to see this as more than just a personal trait—it’s something I want to carry into my future role as a nurse educator. If a student of mine is struggling, I want them to feel comfortable coming to me, knowing I will truly listen without judgment. Creating that kind of safe, open space is how trust is built, and it’s how learning and growth happen. My “gift of gab” may start the conversation, but it’s my presence and curiosity that I hope will keep it going.
Leading Across Generations
Leading across generations isn’t simple. People bring different values, experiences, and ways of communicating depending on what era they grew up in. Some want quick digital updates; others prefer sitting down face-to-face. I’ve learned that good leadership isn’t about picking one or the other—it’s about blending both so the team can move forward together.
As a future nurse educator, this will matter even more. My students in the future might be straight out of high school, or making a change of career like I did. They’ll come in with different expectations, learning styles, and goals. My job will be to meet them where they are--sometimes that means using technology and quick feedback, other times it means slowing down for mentoring and real conversation.
Simon Sinek (2016) once said that Millennials often want to make an immediate impact upon entering the workforce, but real meaning takes time. That really resonates with me. I know I can be impatient, wanting to see results right away. But leadership and education don’t work like that. Growth happens step by step. I think that’s the beauty of it, and where I will feel like I've made a difference: if I can model patience, presence, and persistence, my students will see that lasting success comes from taking the long view, not the shortcut.
Vulnerability and Quantum Leadership
The truth is, we’ll never have all the answers. Technology has reshaped the landscape of leadership, with information evolving constantly. Leading today requires adaptability, humility, and a willingness to lean into relationships—and that takes vulnerability. It also calls for emotional intelligence: the ability to show up and be seen, not by always being right, but by bringing a growth mindset.
Brené Brown reminds us that vulnerability is not weakness but courage—the birthplace of trust, innovation, and creativity (Brown, 2010). I’ve seen this in my own life as a mom; admitting when I can’t do everything or asking for help doesn’t weaken relationships, it strengthens them. In healthcare, vulnerability means being honest and present so others know they can trust you. It means admitting when you've made a mistake, but are willing to share it so that others can learn. Leaders who model this create an environment where others feel safe to express their emotions, where staff feel empowered to speak up, acknowledge mistakes, and share ideas. In fast-paced, complex systems, no one has all the answers, but leaders who show authenticity build the trust that allows people and teams to thrive.
References
APSS Archive. (2024, September 12). Stephen Covey, the ability to choose your response that will change your life [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXXXXXXX
Boyd, L. (2015, December 15). After watching this, your brain will not be the same [Video]. TEDx Talks. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNHBMFCzznE
Brown, B. (2010, June). The power of vulnerability | Brené Brown | TEDxHouston [Video]. TEDx Talks. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o
Brene Brown Motivation. (2025, August 8). Stop teaching people to undervalue you - rewrite the rules today. [Video]. YouTube.
Canada Life. (n.d.). Explore your options: The 4 A’s of stress management. Workplace Strategies for Mental Health. https://www.workplacestrategiesformentalhealth.com/resources/explore-your-options
Sinek, S. (2016, September 19). Simon Sinek on millennials in the workplace [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vudaAYx2IcE
TEDx Talks. (2015, December 17). Good boundaries free you. [Video]. YouTube.
TEDx Talks. (2015, May 7). How to have a good conversation. [Video]. YouTube.
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